Tomatillo Salsa

Okay, I know I promised this a while back, and I now apologize replete with a full remedy: my tomatillo salsa procedure.

First, get yourself to your local store and buy about 12 of these bad boys. You will need to be sure they are firm to the touch, but not rock-hard. Think: the texture of a regular tomato you would buy and plan to eat about 5 days later. Get a bunch of cilantro. Buy one jalapeno. Buy 2-4 limes, depending on size. You will need 2 cloves of garlic.

Second, and this is the odd part: get a large (1-2 qt) bowl; add about 4 drops of dish soap; and run water into it to make a soapy water bath. One by one, peel the paper skin off the tomatillos, trash the skin, and then wash the fruits in the soapy water. As you'll understand when you do this, these bad boys are sticky-gooey. Give them a good soapy bath, paying special attention to the woody part in the top middle where the skin is ultimately connected to the tomatillo. Then, MOST IMPORTANTLY, rinse them off under the faucet. Rinse more than you think you need to. You do not like Dawn in your salsa, though if we know you it is probably true your mouth needs a good washing out with soap.

Third, check your tomatillos to be sure that they aren't sticky and gooey any more. This stuff doesn't really taste good in your salsa. If they are, re-clean and re-rinse them.

Fourth, now that your tomatillos are peeled and rinsed, you are ready to quarter them. So, fuckin quarter them already.

Fifth, get out your food processor or blender. Add tomatillos to fill up your receptacle about halfway. You can do this part in small batches if you need. In total, for 12 tomatillos, you'll need about half a bunch of cilantro to go with. Add about a quarter of your jalapeno. Add the garlic. Add about 1 teaspoon of salt and 2 tablespoons of pepper, give or take. YOU can always add more (salt and jalapeno) later! Squeeze in a lime. Blend this mess.

Now, once you have blended all your tomatillos and all your other stuff together, put them in a medium saucepan on medium-low heat. After about 10 minutes, taste your salsa and see if you need more jalapeno, salt, lime, or garlic. Once it comes to a boil, let it cook down for another 10-15 minutes, until the consistency is pretty good and thick. Another way to judge when your salsa is done is when it is a forest green (see your box of 64 Crayolas if you need). This is not the darker "pine green," but it is a solid, full, deep green. Remember, this is a salsa VERDE, so yea, that's what you want.

Sometimes we eat this one hot, and sometimes let it cool down. I think it is phenomenal the next day as a rule. Also, the tomatillo salsa can be used as your salsa in chilaquiles (eggs scrambled with salsa, tortilla chips crushed in while the eggs are still liquid, cheese (usually a white cheese) added as you would normally). In short, this salsa is ridiculously versatile and can be kept up to a couple of weeks in the fridge. Enjoy!

Robot out!